Revelation

Today I somehow woke up on the right side of the bed. I went to sleep feeling emotionally exhausted and really confused about a situation. I felt helpless, as I couldn't decide which direction to go in when dealing with a certain situation. But, I had a dream last night where someone important spoke to me and this has helped me make my decision. I now know what direction to go in.

I was unsure of whether or not I should pursue something. So far, I have gotten it within my grasp, but the whole thing hasn't gone the way I had planned. I still like the the idea; I really do. I just wasn't sure if putting all my hopes into it would be worth it right now; I wasn't sure if me putting effort into it right now would benefit me in the end.

In my dream, a certain someone was taunting me. They were talking to me as if we were in the future. They were advising me that I was acting too much, even to the point of obsession. They were not pleased by these actions and were actually appalled. Basically, the moral of the story is that if I were to keep pursing a certain situation, then it would turn out unfavourable in the end. This is what helped me make the decision to chill and have faith in the fact that right things will come with time.

I woke up feeling good and motivated. This is odd for me, especially since I went to bed so upset. Instead of going to an unproductive class tonight, I'm staying home and finally cleaning my room. This is something that I have been putting off since like September. Wish me luck!

Picture Story #1 - Dear You

Dear You, WHAT THE HELL!?!?!!!!

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I really don't know what to say...

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You make me so tired and confused...

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I don't know what the hell you're doing...

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And it scares me.

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THE END!!!

Patience Is A Virtue

I am an impatient person. If something is desirable to me, I usually want it in my hands right now. Sure, growing up I was a bratty child because of this. I was always trying to fulfill this need. As I've grown up and matured, this has turned me into a highly emotional stubborn and attached (to the desirable objects) young woman. I've dealt with this in multiple situations and in various ways. Right now I am faced with it again.

I cannot stop my mind ever since it got started. Gasoline has been thrown on this fire, which doesn't help my cause. I am not saying this situation is anything negative; it's quite positive and I am pleased with it over all. I've just never had to deal with myself in a real way under these circumstances.

I just feel so impulsive and I don't want to have to wait. I understand that things in life get in the way and I respect other people's decisions, as I know they are right. I would have judged their character if they chose otherwise. I guess I am still childish and want all the attention to be on me.

I don't know how to shake this and I need to keep my cool, while remaining honest. For once, my heart and head are align but still, my emotions continue to be out of whack. Perhaps it's my fear of losing everything. I have so much hope and my heart is still young. I want to reach out and jump into life, but it's hard to be told to wait by someone you want.

So, I'll try to clear my head and focus on other things. This is harder than I could have ever imagined. To my friends who I constantly vent to: I love you and would go crazy without you!

I Am Writing Again

Well, I wrote about a third of my persuasive essay last night. It's about Astrology/horoscopes. I am frustrated because it is not telling me what I want to hear about a certain new relationship of mine, so I am determined to prove that they are in fact false. It has so far been proven false by the relationship so far, so that makes me happy.

He went home for the weekend. I miss him and it sucks. If he ever reads this, then this is just embarrassing. My best friend is trying to help me cope by doing poetry exercises. Ie. "I don't know when I'll see you next. I bet you're great at sex". Yeah, we are cool people that have nothing better to do on a Saturday.

In other news - since you're not getting all the details about said person - I'm still doing the whole college thing. Humanities on Tuesday nights and Writing on Wednesday nights. It's past mid-term, but I don't know if the profs are posting grades.

However, I want to run away to Europe today. I miss London/Oxford/England and want to explore the rest of Europe. I wish I had more money and didn't have to pay for college. Ack. I need a vacations soon. I'm still not sure when I'm going to be heading back to Florida or for how long. Anytime from May to September.

Last weekend Heather, Ming, Mandie and I drove and saw Valencia in Chicago (Orland Park) and Detroit. We spent three nights in Mandie's bedroom and Ming pitched a tent. More road trips need to happen because they are epic. Pictures are on my FaceBook if you're interested. Videos: Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

Since I've been back from our adventure last weekend, I haven't felt the need to utilize most internet networking sites and forums. I don't know why this is, but I only read FaceBook. This whole shift gives me more time and energy to obsesses over other things. Yay me! (or not).

Well, I'm going to go say that I'm "cleaning" when I'm really dancing around listening to my iPod and chatting with my best friend. Happy Saturday!!

Ps. My 19th birthday is in two weeks tomorrow. Ahh! If I haven't already invited you to my party and you want to be invited, let me know.

Personal Essay

I am currently working on a personal essay for my college writing class. I haven't been asked to formally write anything like this since my summer of studying writing in England. This is refreshing. I seem to have dropped my love for writing for a little while, but I am happy that I am able to pick it right back up again.

I love taking crazy irrational emotions and putting them into rational perspective and in doing so, creating something beautiful. I guess it's a matter of my need of mental organization and seeing a finished tangible product in front of my face. Right now, I'm half way though sorting out a tricky relationship (a boy-girl one) and shedding a different light on it than what I may have liked to believe before.

I have been neglecting this blog way more than I intend too. My mind has been filled with thoughts, but my body has been busy. I supposed writing isn't the most ideal way of spending one's reading week, but here I am.

Reading Week

Hey! I know I've been meaning to make an entry for a few weeks now, but I've been busy with this college business. Speaking of which, college is going amazing. My classes are interesting/pretty easy and the people are so nice. I've already made some friends. I got accepted into my full time program for September. I was so happy I cried. Yay excitement!

I originally intended to make a New Years resolution blog, but the time has long passed. To sum up what was going to be said, this year, I'm not going to drink (even though I'm turning of age in April), limit my caffeine intake, try to eat healthily, spend time with my friends, make new friends, and overall, not do anything stupid.

I totally have a 12 day reading week starting the 19th. f you want/can hang out, please let me know and we can do something. These are my goals:

- Get my 7th piercing

- Get my hair cut

- Redecorate my room

- Keep my room clean

- Watch season 1 & 2 of Skins

- Watch the final 2 episodes of taped Survivor

- Not spend a lot of money

- Play lots of Wii & computer games

- Hang out with my friends x645495945

- Make new friends (if possible)

- Clear my head and decide who/what really matters

- Not waste time/be lazy

- See family

This entry lacks what I want this blog to be like. Whatever. This is what it is.

Ps. I feel bad for not replying to past comments. I do read them and appreciate them!

2008 in Review

2008 started out, well, pretty depressing. It might have been the new years eve I spent home alone, although I’m not sure. I don’t really recalling anything particular. The winter dragged on, and I froze my butt off at a Cobra Starship show where I met lots of cool people.

Valentine's Day rolled around and I ended up having lunch with my two closest girl friends at the time. I don’t remember the rest of February, March, or very much of my uneventful and dim year. April was eighteenth birthday; it was the day of the Toronto AP Tour. I got to see two of my favourite bands, meet one of them, and add another band to my favourites list.

I went to Puerto Vallarta in the beginning of May. That was pretty nice. The hotel was really pretty and extravagant. I wasn’t too fond of the beach, though, or the city life. Honda Civic Tour ’08 soon followed, which was pretty boring. I dropped out of school at the end of the month. I got myself into some mucky stuff, but hey, I survived.

In July, I went to England for almost the whole month. I met new friends, fell in love with a boy, learnt a lot, and felt amazing. I miss those times so much; they were the best times of my life.

Then, tragedy hit in August. When I came home from England, my Mom told me she had a tumour in her abdomen. I was devastated, and I prayed it wasn’t cancer. I was almost positive it wasn’t cancer. But, in September, I found out it was my worst nightmare. I spent some scary times in the hospital with my Mom, emotional times at home with my sister, and once again dropped out of school (I had only been there for about a week).

The epic thirty or so people in attendance to the Toronto Valencia Tour show was also in September. That is when I met Sing it Loud (my favourite boys ever) and hung out with an…interesting band called Cash Cash. Valencia were awesome, too, of course. The Rocket Summer show was at the end of the month, and that was a lot of fun.

In the beginning of October, Heather took me to see Sing it Loud (Sassyback Tour) in Buffalo. I had a blast; it was so insane. I met so many people and had such a good time. I love you Heather! It started turning cold in October, so I couldn’t have been too happy, in general. November was concert month. Jack’s Mannequin at the beginning, which was so amazing, and then the epic three tours in four days.

November ended, along with my Mom’s treatments, so she moved back home. December was the whole typical family members’ birthdays and the Christmas thing. New years day I went out with some lovelies for waffles and then to see Twilight. That night I spent time with family and packing like a mad women.

Overall, 2008 was filled with new friends, who I love very much and I don’t know what I’d do without them (you know who you are. Yes, you). New psychotropic medications have been interesting, and my volunteer work has been amazing and eye-opening. 2008 was fifteen of concerts, endless laughs, and good times. I’ve been through new experiences and screwed up, but somehow I made my life still work.