Patience Is A Virtue

I am an impatient person. If something is desirable to me, I usually want it in my hands right now. Sure, growing up I was a bratty child because of this. I was always trying to fulfill this need. As I've grown up and matured, this has turned me into a highly emotional stubborn and attached (to the desirable objects) young woman. I've dealt with this in multiple situations and in various ways. Right now I am faced with it again.

I cannot stop my mind ever since it got started. Gasoline has been thrown on this fire, which doesn't help my cause. I am not saying this situation is anything negative; it's quite positive and I am pleased with it over all. I've just never had to deal with myself in a real way under these circumstances.

I just feel so impulsive and I don't want to have to wait. I understand that things in life get in the way and I respect other people's decisions, as I know they are right. I would have judged their character if they chose otherwise. I guess I am still childish and want all the attention to be on me.

I don't know how to shake this and I need to keep my cool, while remaining honest. For once, my heart and head are align but still, my emotions continue to be out of whack. Perhaps it's my fear of losing everything. I have so much hope and my heart is still young. I want to reach out and jump into life, but it's hard to be told to wait by someone you want.

So, I'll try to clear my head and focus on other things. This is harder than I could have ever imagined. To my friends who I constantly vent to: I love you and would go crazy without you!

Friendship and Love

I've been feeling sick for the past three days, so I decided to curl up in bed to watch my new DVD that I got for Christmas. I've been waiting so long to finally see The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2. The book series is amazing and the first film was so good. I am pleased with this addition, as well, but didn't like how the story-lines were condensed and altered so much.

I was afraid my blogs were going to sound like some English essay, because that's not my intention. Please bare with me while I fight with this habit. I need to let go and get to the point.

When I am really drawn into a film, novel, or television show it makes me question the reality of it, along with the reality of my own life. In this story, the four girls are best friends. They have been like that since they were born. But, here I am. I have all but maybe two best friends, if that, whom I've met fairly recently in my life.

I did not grow up with any of the friends I have now. Most of them don't know what I've been through. I do not have a shoulder to cry on, someone to spend meaningful time with, nor someone I am forever bonded to, yet the girls in the movie have three others to share this with.

So, which is the true reality? Or is it different for everyone and I've just ended up with the shorter end of the stick? My intention is not to sit here and sulk, as I am not blaming anyone -- I know I, myself, play a huge part in this -- but it's hard to make sense of what I do and don't have.

Another theme that got me thinking along the same lines is love. Bridget, she was in love the first summer (and ends up with the guy in the novel), Carmen falls in love for the first time with a British actor, Tibby has a boyfriend that a girl would die for, and Lena is still madly in love with a guy back in Greece, while also seeing a model in the US.

And then there's me. No boyfriend, nothing. I do not know what love is. The things that I have felt before are nothing but petty and shameless perceptions. I do not know a thing or two about the typical relationship, and somehow always to manage to create a twisted situation, which is never ideal. It has never felt 'right' for me; it has never been easy.

Sure, I am a hopeless romantic and these types of story-line feeds into that. It makes me question reality, as well. Should I stick to my 'dreams' and never let down my expectations? Or make the best deal with whatever is in front of me? What I am wonder is, if there's truth to those girls' love lives, or would I just be naive and wasting my time believing that?