Therapy

"Give me therapy
I'm a walking travesty
But I'm smiling on everything
Therapy you were never a friend to me
and you can take back your misery"

Call Me Crazy...

...but I am done with the summer break. I just want to move to school right now and start my classes. My best friend thinks I'm crazy because she's enjoying the break (although she just started hers). I'm inpatient and I don't want to wait two more months when I've been out of school for two months already. I just need routine and stimulation again. I can't get a job, so I feel sort of useless right now. I know in the future, I would value time like this. It's just not doing anything for me now.

Mega-Quiz

Basics

What is your name? Samantha Lauren M.

Are you named after anyone? My middle name is from my grandfather's middle name.

Would you name a child of yours after you? Nope.

If you were born a member of the opposite sex what would your name be? Samuel or Alex.

If you could switch names with a friend who would it be? Ciara.

Are there any mispronunciations/typos that ppl do w/ your name constantly? Nope.

Would you drop your last name if you became famous? No. 

Your gender: Female.

Straight/Gay/Bi: Straight.

Single? Nope =)

Birthdate: April 5, 1990

Your age: 19

Age you act: Too old.

Age you wish you were: 24

Your height: 5'1

Eye color: Dark brown.

Happy with it? Sure.

Hair color: Dark brown.

Happy with it? Yup.

Lefty/righty/ambidextrous: Righty.

Your living arrangement: Home until school in September.

Your family: Mom and big sister. 

Have any pets? Yes, a cat. 

What's your job? Unemployed/Student .

Piercings? Seven. Three in each ear and a labret.

Tattoos? Nope.

Obsessions/Addictions? Music, boys, concerts.

Do you speak another language? Unfortunately not.

Do you have a favorite quote? Nope.

Do you live in the moment? I need to start.

Do you consider yourself tolerant of others? Yes.

Do you have any secrets? Um, not anything worth your time.

Do you hate yourself? I used to, but not anymore. 

Do you like your handwriting? I hate it. 

Do you have any bad habits? Yup

What is the compliment you get from most people? "You're smart." 

If a movie was made about your life, what would it be called? Creative Destruction 

Can you sing? I wish 

Do you ever pretend to be someone else just to look cool? Maybe once or twice. 

Are you a loner? Definitely. 

What are your #1 priorities in life? To love life. 

If you were another person, would you be friends with you? Possibly. 

Are you a daredevil? No. 

Is there anything you fear or hate about yourself? Probably.

Are you passive or aggressive? Passive. 

Do you have a journal? This is my journal. 

What is your greatest strength and weakness? Perseverance and insecurity. 

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? I don't believe in speculating about these things. 

Do you think you are emotionally strong? I have to be. 

Is there anything you regret doing/not doing in life? Most likely. 

Do you think life has been good so far? It will become great. 

What do you like the most about your body? My long torso

And least? Hair in places I don't want it. 

Do you think you are good looking? Sure. 

Are you confident? Not outwardly. 

What is the fictional character you are most like? I am my own fictional character.

Are you perceived wrongly? Usually. 

Do You...

Smoke? No. 

Read the newspaper? I should. 

Pray? Only for mercy when I'm desperate. 

Go to church? No.

Talk to strangers who IM you? No. 

Sleep with stuffed animals? Yes and sometimes a real animal.

Take walks in the rain? Yes.

Talk to people even though you hate them? I don't believe in hating others.

Drive? Nope.

Like to drive fast? Please no.

Like your voice? No, I'm whiney

Have You Ever...

Been out of the country? A lot, but never enough. 

Eaten something that made other people sick? No. 

Been in love? Nope.

Gone skinny dipping? No.

Had a medical emergency? No.

Had surgery? Wisdom teeth.

Ran away from home? Yes.

Gotten beaten up? No. 

Beaten someone up? No.

Been picked on? Yes.  

Been on stage? Yes.

Slept outdoors? Yup.

Pulled an all nighter? Yes.

Gone one day without food? Yes.

Talked on the phone all night? No.  

Slept all day? Yes.

Made out with a stranger? No. 

Kissed the same sex? No.

Been betrayed? Yes.  

Had a dream that came true? Not yet.

Stolen anything? No. 

Been in a mosh-pit? Several times. 

Had a nervous breakdown? No.

Bungee jumped? No, but I want to.

Had a dream that kept coming back? Yes. 

Do You Believe In...

Life on other planets? Sure  

Miracles? Yes.

Astrology? Maybe. 

Magic? No.

God? Unsure.

Satan? No.

Santa? Yes.

Ghosts? Maybe.

Luck? No.

Love at first sight? Nope 

Yin and yang (that good cant exist w/o bad)? Yup.

Witches? Yes.  

Easter bunny? No.

Its possible to remain faithful forever? Yes. 

Believe theres a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow? No.

Wishing on stars? No.

Deep Theological Questions 

Do you believe in the traditional view of Heaven and Hell? No.

Do you think God has a gender? No.

Do you believe in organized religion? No.

Where do you think we go when we die? I'll let you know once I get there.

Friends 

Do you have any gay/lesbian friends? Yes .

Who is your best friend? Lindsay.

Newest? Rexx.

You've known the longest? Mellisha and Kyle.

Shyest? Kyle.

Funniest? Geoff. 

Sweetest? Rexx :P

Closest? Lindsay. 

Weirdest? No clue. 

Smartest? Lindsay. 

Ditziest? Mellisha.

Friends you miss being close to the most? Idk.

Last person you talked to online? Rexx.

Who do you talk to most online? Rexx, Lindsay, Spencer, Ming, and Dileni.

Who are you on the phone with most? No one.

Who do you trust most? Lindsay.

Who listens to your problems? Lindsay and Megan.

Who do you fight most with? No clue. 

Do you always feel understood? No.

Do you trust others easily? No.

Do your friends know you? Only the close ones.

Friend that lives farthest away: Ashley, Megan, and Laurel.  

Love and All That 

Do you consider love a mistake? No.

What do you find romantic? Thoughtfulness.

Turn-on? Hmm...

Turn-off? Bad hygiene.

First kiss? Good, but the relationship sucked.

If someone u had no interest in had interest in dating u how would u feel? Awkward.

Do you prefer knowing someone before dating them? Uh, yeah.

Have u ever wished it was more socially acceptable 4 a girl 2 ask a guy out? Since when is it socially unacceptable?

Have you ever been romantically attracted to someone physically unattractive? Probably.  

Do you think the opposite sex finds you good looking? Certain ones. 

What is best about the opposite sex? Everything.

What is the worst thing about the opposite sex? Their confusions.  

Do you consider your significant other hot? Hell yeah!

Who Was the Last Person... 

You wanted to kill? No one.

That you laughed at? Rexx.

That laughed at you? Rexx.

That turned you on? Rexx haha.

You went shopping with? Mom. 

That broke your heart? No one.  

To disappoint you? Myseld. 

To ask you out? Rexx.

To make you cry? An ex-friend.

To brighten up your day? Rexx.

That you thought about? Rexx.

You saw a movie with? Rexx.

You talked to on the phone? Dr's office.  

You talked to through IM/ICQ? Rexx.

You saw? Mom.

Summer Love

I miss last July; I miss being in love. London was a rush of new experiences, although it did not last long enough. I wish those feelings lingered and those memories were more persevered. Traveling across an ocean, meeting new people, and falling in love - what more could a eighteen year old girl dream about?

It was beautiful; I've never felt anything like it. My heart raced so fast that it skipped a beat and got turned upside down. I didn't mind though, I didn't mind one bit. I somehow knew it was love, whether that is true today, I don't know. Last summer I didn't care, but I was afraid to lose everything.

Everything was perfect; that's what I miss the most. I used to dance like a little girl around dorm room with feelings of joys. I was truly blessed and lucky to have had that experience. I want to recapture last July and keep it fresh in my heart forever.

Retail Therapy

Hey, what's up everyone? I know I haven't updated in forever. Life is a crazy thing. I swear I've been staying out of trouble, not that I have to justify anything to you =P

Nothing warms a teenage girl's heart like a good day of shopping, right? Here's what I got last week:

BlackBerry Curve 8900: I am obsessed. I got $100 off the phone and I didn't have to pay to cancel my old phone contract. Send me your BB pins and phone email addresses.

Cowboy boots: As some of you may know, I've been wanting a pair for a bit now. They were 30% off and I used the money I saved from my phone. I loooove them!

Other than buying those two things, I've just been hanging out. I finally got over whatever upper-respiratory bug I had, and I've been unhappily getting through my online summer course - business writing. Life is chill for now, I guess. I've been spending a lot of time with family and looking for more delicious decaffeinated teas.

Ps. Do me a favour and add THIS BAND. I can assure you that at least one of the band members is a great guy that will amaze you.

I hope you all are doing well. Let me know =)

Revelation

Today I somehow woke up on the right side of the bed. I went to sleep feeling emotionally exhausted and really confused about a situation. I felt helpless, as I couldn't decide which direction to go in when dealing with a certain situation. But, I had a dream last night where someone important spoke to me and this has helped me make my decision. I now know what direction to go in.

I was unsure of whether or not I should pursue something. So far, I have gotten it within my grasp, but the whole thing hasn't gone the way I had planned. I still like the the idea; I really do. I just wasn't sure if putting all my hopes into it would be worth it right now; I wasn't sure if me putting effort into it right now would benefit me in the end.

In my dream, a certain someone was taunting me. They were talking to me as if we were in the future. They were advising me that I was acting too much, even to the point of obsession. They were not pleased by these actions and were actually appalled. Basically, the moral of the story is that if I were to keep pursing a certain situation, then it would turn out unfavourable in the end. This is what helped me make the decision to chill and have faith in the fact that right things will come with time.

I woke up feeling good and motivated. This is odd for me, especially since I went to bed so upset. Instead of going to an unproductive class tonight, I'm staying home and finally cleaning my room. This is something that I have been putting off since like September. Wish me luck!

Picture Story #1 - Dear You

Dear You, WHAT THE HELL!?!?!!!!

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I really don't know what to say...

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You make me so tired and confused...

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I don't know what the hell you're doing...

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And it scares me.

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THE END!!!